Rubin Dominic

Mararathon is a long distance running event with an official distance of 42.195 KM, usually run as a road race. The event was instituted in commemoration of the fabled run of the Greek soldier Pheidippides a messenger, from the battle of marathon to Athens – Wikipedia   
“Run, Pheidippides, run and race, reach Sparta for aid!
Persia has come, we are here, where is She?” – From Pheidippides, Robert Browning

The last 4 years of life, was indeed a roller coaster ride which can any day give a run for the money for the 28 years prior to that. If you haven’t still guessed it, I got married 4 years back. The world did not prepare me for what married life is going to be. In this short span of time, from a bachelor, I became a fiance, husband and a father.

This was indeed a difficult time in my personal life, since, truth to be told I was not ready for all this. But like in skydiving, once you have made the jump, there is no turning back. You need to cover the whole distance. Marriage is like a marathon. It’s not a 100 meter dash. You need to really persevere to reach at the end. Marriage is all about emotional and mental stamina. It’s a long run, but in the end it’s all worth it. At least that is what it says.

It took me one and a half year after my daughter’s birth to fully realize that this is not how I imagined my life to be. Things between me and my wife were far from smooth. Our views of life were so in contrast that we were on the downward slope of a failing marriage. So now I was faced with a young child who was to be dragged into a failing marriage.

I had this sets of goals that I always used to write and still write them. Recently I came across one of these I had written a long time back. I realized one thing immediately. All my goals were about the 100 meter dash. The quick fixes that you believe will change your life. Yet, nothing had changed in my life because there was never a consistency in what I doing. I was so happy in those small victories that I had forgotten the bigger picture required consistent and disciplined effort from my side. It was a marathon I needed to make my life work.

It was then I decided to equate the symbolic marathon to an actual physical marathon. I realized that we all carry mental barriers in our life, which is what impedes us to get to our true potential. These are the ones which we had accumulated from years of telling ourselves of our limitations – limitations based on our physical and mental abilities, limitations based on our race, limitations based on our gender, limitations because of what the society tells u, limitations based on looks. All these mental barriers tells us what is our limit. And we believe them. Simply because we accept it on its face value.

When I realized this, I wanted to start somewhere.  I needed to break some mental barrier for a start. The marriage –marathon analogy inspired me. Why not run a real marathon? Mental barriers were quick to step in. They gave out bulleted information.

• You have never run a marathon before.
• You have not run for more than 13 years.
• You lack the stamina to get to the finish line.
• You are going to run 42KM???????

The list just kept growing, but there was just one thought that inspired me “What if you actually get through… What if you finish the race in time?”

12KM Day

Two week had gone without any incident.  I had in the meantime, increased my running distance from 1KM to 6KM. There was a lot of panting and pain involved, but the progress that I made kept me trying to up my game.

So the third week meant that I go 12KM in one shot.

It was a bright Saturday and I was ready. It was going to be the first time that I was going to run 12KM -after 2-3 times running 6km. I was not sure I was going to make it. Will I endure 12 KM? it was a tough question that needed an answer.

On the back of my mind, something else was running. Today was the day I was to meet the counselor to discuss regarding my failing marriage. This 12 KM was somehow there, some cosmic play, to get me prepared for that. Her folks were already there, so when I come back, we would be going to meet the counselor.

I parked my car at the usual place near the beach. 100m from the finishing line, I warmed up preparing myself to run the longest ever I have done till date.

1KM: things seemed well. No aches. Even though I had not run for 2 days, my muscles were still responding to the stress I was putting it to.

2KM: I found myself tiring a bit, but I just realized that there were 10 more kilometers to go. I slowed down considerably, trying to preserve energy, even though I found it more difficult since that was not my normal pace.  It was dragging your body using your leg.

3KM: This was my usual turn around place. Since till that point my target run was for 6 KM, going back meant that I would get home. Going beyond this point seemed  like exploring a new territory even though it was the same rubberized track.

3.8KM: This was a surprise. I was anticipating the track to be 8 KM long.  The track ended at 3.8 KM. It was a total miscalculation. I totally slowed down, trying to recalculate how I was going to reach the prescribed target. Through the next 1 KM, I realized that going back to the finish line would make it 7.6KM and I would have to come back and start running 2.2KM again, and then come back to complete the 12 KM.

7.6 KM:  I had finished the complete track and returned.  This was a nice feeling even though it meant that I would have to run another 2.2KM. This was the most difficult and exhausting part, because I just wanted to say myself that this is not necessary. I just thought one thing. It was not about winning, it was about finishing. So literally dragged myself, walking, running trying to get to the 2.2KM mark.

9.8KM: I reached the 2.2KM totally exhausted, realizing that it was time to go back.  I already had a bottle of water with me and I was constantly sipping little of it, pouring a lot onto my face trying to cool down the body as it craved for rest.

12KM: Before I was walking, running and then walked until I reached the final 500 meters. I just sprinted that last 500 meters with all the energy that I had. As I finished the last meter. I was filled with joy. The sense of accomplishment was too much to be described in words.

Brimming with confidence, I went back home. I was set for the counseling.

The Counselling

As I rode back that day, I was confident of my life. I just broke a mental barrier and was really happy about it. I felt I was making adjustments to my style of living, all in the hope that these are minor differences and one day, maybe a few decades later, we would laugh about it.

I reached home where her folks looked worried, but I was full of confidence. I knew my life was going to turn around. I deserve a good life and I will get it. On the back of my head, I was planning on how my next 2 weeks for marathon preparation was going to be and soon I will participate for the full marathon.

My wife for 2 years and I rode together for towards the counselling center which was located on Jumeirah beach road, one of those posh places where white folk frequent. We were ushered in by the staff and place looked promising: scented candles, a lot of great and comfortable chain chairs. I remember the feeling as I lazed down on the seat: this is going to work.

An Indian lady in her late-thirties welcomed us and enquired about us and so it began.

Shock and Betrayal

1 hour and 30 minutes later as I paid the consulting fees my mind was blank. It was blank with the shock and betrayal. As we rode home, we stopped at shake shack and sat down to talk again. As she munched on a burger, I realized that decisions were made already made and felt being part of a sham.  The mental marathon was lost and there was no going back.

Close to a year or more later, we were officially divorced.

It took me almost one year to realize that somethings can be changed and some can’t. Like the will of a woman.

I opted out of my marathon training: physical pain is bearable, but heartbreak doesn’t heal that easily.

A year later I did give it a try again, but then my own health gave me a googly. Due to over stressing myself I had severe pain on my knees which was later diagnosed as osteoarthritis. The doctor said that Marathon was not impossible, but it has to be slow and steady needing a lot of attention and care.

I just saw it as divine intervention.

But I haven’t still lost hope: once in a while I dream of crossing that finish line: crossing that 42.7KM mark.

Who knows, maybe one day?